There are a lot of things people tell you about being a first time mom while you're pregnant. A LOT. And generally it's unsolicited advice. If it's not some random family member rambling on about never letting your baby do such and such but ALWAYS making sure to do this and that, it's a stranger at the bakery {who awkwardly wants to feel your stomach!!} or some baby book that everyone is reading. Many, if not all of those opinions conflict. One thing no one tells you though, is that your confidence level will plummet back to that of your 13 year old self.
It's really easy to feel insecure as a mom. ----> "Am I doing this right?" "Do they know how much I love them?" "Why can't I be more patient?" "Do they love me back?" "Why isn't my baby sleeping as long as {insert name}?" "GAH! My girls are nearly 10 months and not crawling yet! {Insert name}'s baby started WALKING at 6 months! I must be doing something wrong!"
It's a constant battle of questioning and comparing --- which chucks me right back into the halls of junior high, where if I wasn't embarrassed to share something in class, I was definitely questioning why I was still shopping at Limited Too when all the other girls were already wearing Abercrombie {bleh!}. I'm not sure why I let those all too similar motherly doubts creep into my mind, and quite frankly I'm not sure how to not let them weasel their way in every once in a while, but I do know one thing. We're all just doing the best that we know how. I'm figuring this whole thing out one day one hour at a time. Luckily, I have two sweet girls that won't hold it against me that I freaked when one {who will remain anonymous} of them got their hands and feet covered in their diaper poo last week. They don't laugh when I change octaves multiple times in any song I sing to them that gets too high. And hopefully, they find the fact that I still get terrified every time I give them a piece of real food, endearing.
At the end of the day, when I see these two smile and giggle, I realize that even though I'm not a perfect mother {and I'll never be, by the way}, I chose them and they chose me. We're in it together. Some days are crazy and some are so beautiful it could send me to tears. When it comes down to the nitty gritty, all that matters is that I love them. I may have to pray for patience and that's okay. I probably break a lot of "rules" on a daily basis and even that is okay. Those insecurities and comparisons that are way too prevalent in "mom life" have got to go. We're all just trying to figure out this mom thing an hour at a time…and that's okay.
4 comments:
Ashley. You are a WONDERFUL mother. Your daughters are adorable, and we are so enjoying reading about them and seeing their pictures almost every day. Just remember about the crawling thing........they don't have to crawl. They have each other right next to them. Where else would they need to be. Every child is different, and they develop at their own pace. Just ask me as the mother of eight. Don't try to second guess nature.......it will drive you CRAZY.
You are doing a great job, and you need to give yourself all the credit you deserve.
Love you......Carole and GG
As a new mummy to 6 month old little girl Charlie, this article hits home and is exactly where my head is at. It is so nice to read and know that were not alone. Thanks for just saying it how it is Ash, there arent enough mums doing this (sorry moms - im in australia haha).
Your girls are beautiful.
I have also worked out recently why we feel so much doubt and make probably some big mistakes at this stage....because they are young enough not to remember and just think that 'my mum is wonder women' lol.
Xx
Ashley, I have been following your journey since you started posting about your pregnancy! You are inspiring and I can see you are a caring loving mother. There is no manual, just that maternal instinct that God puts inside us. Children need out love and our time and to them those are synonymous. Keep doing what you're doing and remember, life is a journey, not a destination! Enjoy each moment as they come and let tomorrow worry about itself! Be careful praying for patience though! The way to patience is through adversity!
Loved this post so much. I feel exactly the same way. I'm also a first time mom of twins - mine are b/g and are 4 months old. Constantly questioning myself and my decisions as a mom, even after the decisions are made i wonder if I did the right thing. Thanks for this post! I needed to read it!
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