It's enough.

I'm embarrassed to admit that I felt a little robbed this morning.  Navy woke up at 6:15.  6:15!!!  Okay, technically it was 6:18, but those extra three minutes made it seem a little bit more dramatic.  I honestly wanted to cry a little bit because we have been fighting a cold around here {really though…you open the door to our house and you pretty much get smacked in the face with doTERRA oils} and sleep hasn't been as plentiful as I'd prefer.  Actually, it hasn't been as plentiful as I'd prefer even without the colds, but that's a different story.  Anyway, the girls can usually make it to 8:00ish at least, but not this morning.  I walked into their room to give a binky to Navy in hopes that it'd soothe her back to sleep for at least another 10 minutes.  Instead, both of them immediately whipped their heads around when they heard the door and I was greeted with two huge grins.  I sort of wanted to laugh & I sort of wanted to cry.  There was no way they were going to back to bed!  {we'll come back to this story… promise}

Now, if you know me you know I'm a list oriented person.  I like to check things off.  This has been one of the hardest things I've had to overcome as a new mother.  In the beginning, I'd put a lot of pressure on myself to do certain things throughout the day… i.e., we WILL get to play group, we WILL take at least one walk, we WILL get to Walgreens to go pick up x, y, and z, I WILL shower, make the bed, clean the house, and put make up on by the time they wake up from their first nap, etc. etc.  When one {or all} of these things didn't get accomplished, I honestly sort of felt bad about myself.  Even typing that, I realize how stupid that sounds, but it was the truth.  I seriously was measuring how good of a mother I was by how much I could get done in a day.  One morning, it was like I'd had an epiphany.  I remember telling JD that I wasn't going to beat myself up if we didn't get out of the house that day.  He seriously looked at me like I was a crazy woman and reassured me that it didn't matter if I got out of the house today or ever.  Some of you are aware that we live on the fourth floor of an apartment building that doesn't have an elevator.  I love our home, but that is certainly a deterrent at times in regards to getting out.  Even though I really do go crazy when we're in the house too much, I have finally reached a point where I've let go of all those dumb feelings I felt before.  We do try to get out often, but if we leave it's only once a day and I'm not going to beat myself up if we just don't make it out the door that day.  I still have to shower almost first thing every day {I STILL get night sweats since I've had the girls…ugh} but I'm not going to feel horrible if I leave my hair wet.  And even though I am seriously OCD about the bed being made, if it doesn't happen until 3:00 that day, no big deal.

When the girls were about 2 months old, I was talking to a seasoned mother who told me that one night she was up with her brand new daughter in the middle of the night.  She said all she wanted to do was cry.  Her house was a mess and she was exhausted.  All of a sudden, she had this feeling come over her  and it was almost as if she heard a voice that said, "There will be time for sleep later.  Embrace this short time."  When she said that, it hit me like a ton of bricks.  It was everything that I needed to hear.  I love being a mother more than anything but it can certainly be an adjustment.  I still feel a little bugged at times when I look around and my house is full of carseats, toys, play mats, bassinets, a stroller, bottles, jumpers, and onesies with blowouts that need to be cleaned…but then those words fill my mind and I remember that this is such a short time & I need to embrace it.  They are only this age for so long.  They are only going to think it's silly when I dance around to Disney music in front of them for so long.  They're only going to think blowing bubbles and babbling is entertaining for so long.  They'll only think mom making weird noises is funny for so long.  And then they'll be on to their next phase.  I don't ever want to look back and think, "Man.  I missed too much of that while I was cleaning the bottles and making the bed."

I really believe that life is meant to be joyful.  So this morning, when Navy woke up the entire house at 6:18 and all I wanted to do was lay in bed for another hour {at least}, I got up and thought, embrace this, Ashley.  After we finished bottles, I laid down next to the girls and we read book after book about San Francisco.  While they babbled all through it and kicked their legs and looked at me smiling, I realized it was one of those moments that I'll never forget.  No to-do list could possibly be more important than me just being there.  It wouldn't have mattered if we were reading books or playing with toys.  The house didn't need to look perfect.  The pillows on the couch didn't need to be fluffed.  And I didn't need to be dressed and ready for the day.  We just needed to be with each other & that was enough.