We still aren't quite sure where the whole twin thing came from. And honestly, the idea of having twins has been a joke in the family for about a year now. Back when JD graduated, both of our moms were over at our apartment. Somehow my mother started talking about how she had always felt like I was going to have twins. JD chimed in saying how he had sort of felt the same way. I literally broke into tears & told them that was the meanest thing they could say because they know how much that would stress me out. Even the week I told my family I was pregnant {before the u/s}, my sister Kendy said how twins would be her dream. I won't even tell you what I said in response because I am still feeling sheepish about it {sorry twinsies!! I hope you didn't hear me say that!!}. I'm sure God was cracking up. Little did I know…
After a few hours of hearing the news, it sort of started to sink in & I was able to articulate my thoughts a little bit better. It was honestly the weirdest thing when we found out. I was shocked of course. I mean, wouldn't you be? You go in expecting one and you get two! So yeah, I was shocked…but for some unexplainable reason, I wasn't surprised. I don't know if that makes sense. I think there was some sort of innate feeling - a motherly instinct, if you will - that sort of knew they were coming.
Now that we've had some time for it to all settle, I am so excited! I know that with two comes double the money, double the craziness, double the sleepless nights, tired arms, and maybe even tears… but I also know that these two chose us. And quite frankly, maybe even each other. There's something beautiful to me about that.
Now, I'd be lying if I didn't say I'm scared. There are so many complications that come with twins. In fact, we really hesitated to even share the news with everyone until fairly late into the pregnancy, to be honest. {this is where it gets raw…} Then I decided that even if I were to lose one, or even both, I'd rather be able to celebrate with everyone about the beauty of the both of them than to keep a loss a secret. I love these two already. I hope more than anything in the world that I get to have the privilege of being their mama come October. I think about it just about every 10 minutes. Maybe it's weird that I have this subconscious stress, but it's something I'm constantly thinking about --- and since I've started this journey leading up to pregnancy, I've begun to believe that these are things that should be talked about and discussed. Sometimes I think women bar up their feelings out of concern --- we don't want to be too "vulnerable" or "awkward." Instead of finding the similarities and comforting one another, we think our story/concerns are something no one else could possibly understand. Why do we do this??? So there it is. I get nervous. I try really hard not to. I try my best to remember that what's out of my hands is out of my hands. It's difficult, but I'm doing what I can.
With that said, the celebration was fantastic. :) At first, as the calls, texts, and comments were flooding my phone, my immediate thought was, "Wow. I feel so loved." Within about 20 seconds, I had an epiphany. I suddenly realized how lucky these two little ones are. There are already so many people who love them. There are already so many people willing to give advice and help to their poor mom, who let's be honest, is really going to struggle. I know just about nothing about being a parent. Especially not to a baby. And especially not to TWO babies. Ask me to raise a 12 year old, I could probably do it. A baby? Yikes. I honestly feel like I need to vocally apologize to these two every morning and assure them that I'll learn everything I can in these next 5 months.
Cute, sweet babies…we love you so much and talk about you daily! Every night before we go to bed, we look at each other and pretty much have the same conversation... "I'm so excited to be a mom/dad to TWO!" It will never be the two of us again. And it will never be the "three of us" ever. We are doubling this family of ours and can't wait for it to a party of four!
4 comments:
You don't even know...
this has made ME so happy!!
You should have twins more often ;)
so we haven't talked in forever but i saw this on facebook and i about died! CONGRATULATIONS! i seriously cannot even imagine. i totally related to the part of not saying out loud my true thoughts about twins. but then i hear people who have twins can't imagine only having one! that is SO exciting for you too and i wish you all the luck in the world with those two babies ;) what a ride it will be!
I hope you don't think I'm a creepy stalker. I was reading a friend's blog and absently hit blogspot's "next blog" button. When I saw the ultrasound image, I was so excited for you that I had to leave a comment. Delete if it gives you the willies. I promise not to stalk you.
I'm interested in twins because I'm a fraternal twin as was my mom and as was her mother. My mom is sure I will have twins someday as well (my dad's mom also gave birth to fraternal twins, but my dad himself was not a twin; any genetic tendency toward multiple ovulation in his DNA obviously could not have impacted my mom's odds of multiple ovulation and of bearing twins, but it's not impossible that it could be passed on to me), though it would not break my heart if she were wrong, as the prospect of caring simultaneously for two babies sounds rather daunting.
You've probably read up on the subject of twins since learning that you're carrying them. If twins have been at least semi-prevalent in your family, there's probably a better than average chance that yours are dizygotic. If not, it may be 50/50 as to whether or not yours are monozygotic, which tend to strike more randomly. If your ancestors and close relatives tended to have small families, there's less of a chance that twins will have shown up even if the familial tendency is there. If, on the other hand, your grandparents bred like rabbits, as did mine, there should have been a decent chance for any tendency toward multiple ovulation to have manifested itself.
My twin is a brother. We started out extremely close. He was my protector in preschool and kindergarten because I was tiny and he was not. He called me "Baby Lexus" until the kindergarten teacher told our parents it had to stop because the other children were calling me that as well and were treating me as though I was a baby.
From the age of maybe nine until a little after thirteen we were the proverbial fighting cat and dog. That, fortunately, came to an end just after we started high school. I assume we'll be very close for the rest of our lives. We have so much shared history that no one else -- even a parent -- has in common with either of us.
My brother and I have been apart much of the past three years because of attending different universities, but the bond remains. It's probably the number one blessing of having shared space in our mother's uterus.
I wish you the very best of luck, though somehow I doubt you'll even need it.
Alexis R.
Congrats Ash!! So happy for you. Do you know the gender of your babies?
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