THE CAT'S OUT OF THE BAG.

So this isn't necessarily new information, it's just never quite made its way onto the blog yet.  As of August 2013, this little city will be our home.  JD received an offer from GS a while ago, and we took it.  It still doesn't feel quite real & if you read any of my blog posts over the summer, you won't be surprised to hear that I am still having so many mixed feelings about it.  I love both of my jobs here in Utah and all of the people I get to work with, which is quite possibly one of the worst parts about the move.  A lot of my friends are moving {or have moved already} which makes that aspect of it a little bit easier.  It's just another reminder to me of how the Lord knows what we need.  I was finally getting my feet wet at this school and putting my roots in with different families and kids, only to find out that it  wasn't going to last much longer.  

It's been a difficult change to accept {and luckily I have a lot of time to let it sink in} and I'd be lying if I said I hadn't shed a tear {or twenty} over it.  I never in a million years would've thought that leaving Utah would make me so sad.  Never.  But, this has been the place I've called "home" for almost 7 years now & I'm really feeling the repercussions of that.  I literally can't put into words how much all of the lessons I've learned, friends I've made, and relationships I've built have touched me.  

At the risk of sounding like a 15-year old girl, I'm about to make an embarrassing confession.  I love driving home from work at dusk, just as the sun is setting on the mountains.  I love doing that even more, when I'm listening to Regina Spektor's, "The Call."  Ever since finding out about the move, that song hits me like a ton of bricks and I start crying {sometimes uncontrollably} 90% of the time I listen to it.  Regardless of the tears, it's shed some light on the whole situation.  There's a part where it says, "Just because everything's changing, doesn't mean it's never been this way before" {am I really quoting a song on my blog?  Yep.  I just went there...} and after hearing that song 10 dozen times, one day it hit me that it's not like this is the first change I've ever experienced in my life.  There have been lots of adjustments I've made {some bigger than others} in the almost 25 years I've lived.  And the good news?  I've survived them all.  The better news?  I pretty much always enjoyed them, even if it took some time to realize it.  And the truth is, I'm sure that when the day comes where we leave SF, I'll probably be right back in this same position writing a pathetic blog post about how I wake up to a wet pillow every morning and I just can't possibly imagine life any place else.  

With that said, I'm still really sad.  It's hard to think about not seeing my co-workers {at school and GAP} every day.  It's hard to think about not getting to see my students {past and present} whenever I feel like it.  It's hard to think about not being able to call up one of my girlfriends to grab lunch or have a crafts night.  It makes me sick to think about not being able to see Aust, Kend, Lex, and Doug  whenever I please.  I tear up thinking about missing all sorts of family events.  And we won't even get into the changes that arise when you compare suburbian life vs. city life.  BUT, I also know that this all panned out how it was supposed to and that apparently the Lord thinks I've learned and grown in the way that I need to from living in this incredible little city and that it's time to move on.  

In Relief Society a few weeks ago, there was a lesson given on change {hello...that one was for me} and someone brought up the idea that we don't "hate change," but rather we fear it.  That really rang true for me because in all honesty, I am afraid.  I'm afraid to have to make friends all over again, I'm afraid I won't find a job, I'm afraid I'll spend too much money there {wait...I'm not kidding about that one}, and the list goes on.  Change is scary, but it's also necessary.  And if it's gotta happen, I'm at least grateful that I have some time to figure things out before I throw myself into the chaos.