It's been a while. Let's get personal.

If you know me, you know I have a tendency to occasionally {I promise I'm not using that word lightly} purchase baby clothes.  In all seriousness, I only have a few items stored away that were just too cute to pass up {boy and girl attire, mind you}.  These pants above fall under that category.  I posted the first picture on the left on Instagram this weekend and had some mixed responses.  Most of which were something along the lines of either, "AH!  Those are so cute!" or "I thought you were making some kind of pregnancy announcement!  Knock it off!"  Again, if you know me, a post like this shouldn't come as much of a surprise.  Baby items have always resonated some sort of 'weak at the knees' emotion within me.  Babies on the other hand?  Not so much.  I was totally the girl who made up excuses to get out of babysitting.  I was totally NOT the girl who was melting over babies at church and begging to hold them.  My mom used to swear I would never give her grandchildren.  Ironically enough, I ended up in the profession of teaching children.  Although I don't know if 6th graders necessarily qualify as "children."  I'd throw them under the "Hormonal, Soul Searching Adolescent" category, which is obviously 10 times better than the latter or I'd never volunteer to throw myself into a classroom full of 27 of them every day.

All of this background information is pertinent, promise.  JD and I have been married for over 3 years now {3 years...HOLY CRAP.  Where did time go?} and up until recently, I have had the same feelings about having kids which was, "Kids are great.  I'll have them one day...but not right now.  I have 27 of my own for 6 hours a day and that's good enough for me."  My feelings about those sweet 6th graders remains the same.  I have absolutely ADORED the past nearly 60 kids I've been blessed with.  And in all reality, they HAVE felt like they were mine in one way or another {some more like little sisters} .  I mean, I refer to them as "my kids" and have been called "mom" more than once.  But the point is, even though they continue to visit and keep me informed about their lives, at the end of the day we both go home to different places.

With a lot of big life changes happening in the next few months, I've done my fair share of thinking.  Now let me be clear, I am not ready to pop out a screaming baby tomorrow by any means.  But for the first time in my life, I'm finally thinking about it which is a pretty big step for me.  I'm not promising any sort of "baby news" in the near future because a few things need to happen first, but I am admitting that I'm finally open to the idea of it.  Whew.  That feels good/weird to get off my chest.  I should also warn you however, that one of my biggest pet peeves is when comments such as "Why don't you guys have a kid yet???" occur, the rebellious, "do the opposite of whatever I'm told,"  teenager in me kicks into gear and it makes me want to wait 10 more years before I even think about it.  Just sayin...

So since it's been like 2+ weeks since I've blogged, I thought I'd really bring out the big guns and throw some largely emotional and personal issue on my all of 5 readers.  I have to admit, it feels incredibly therapeutic to write it all out though.  Did anyone else feel this way?  I've always felt like an outsider in this subject.  I mean, I guess I've known I would be a mother one day, I just was never in any rush to do it.  I'm a pretty analytical person and I tend to over-think just about everything; 'Will I be the worst, most impatient mother in the world?'  'Will I pull my hair out every time I hear my child cry?'  'Crap.  What if our kids aren't cute?'  'Can I handle my house being messy with toys all over?'  Guys.  These are serious concerns that hopefully I'm not completely alone in.  The good news is that little by little I'm slowly getting over it.  I probably will be some crazy, frazzled, anal mom who needs to take a chill pill every once in a while, but aren't most young moms like that?  Let's get real.  Who has it together 100% of the time?  We'll cross that bridge when we get there, I suppose.  For now... at least the bridge is in sight.