God Bless Our Children.

I don't even know where to start; just that I feel like I should record my feelings.  For me, this isn't a time to discuss the would've, could've, should've's.  It's not a time for political debates.  This is a time of remembrance, prayer, and deep reflection on behalf of everyone in that town.  As a teacher, the news on Friday hit hard and closer to home than any tragedy I've ever known.  I was walking into the lunch room to eat with my colleagues when one of my closest friends at work told me the news.  Sitting there together - as teachers - listening to an article read aloud, and discussing our feelings, I couldn't contain my tears.  I can't imagine what those teachers at Sandy Hook Elementary were feeling that day & I pray that I never have to.  Just when I'd start to compose myself, I'd think of my own students {past and present} and I'd lose control of my emotions.  You realize that they really are just kids.  They're full of so much innocence and joy & should never be put through any kind of cruelty.

You just don't ever imagine your own kids or school being in that position.  Every time I'd read an article or hear the news, all I could think of was my own principal, my own guidance counselor, or my own students.  I'd think of my own classroom and how I could protect my students.  I would do anything for those kids.  I think of those teachers in Newtown - they are my heroes.  I've never felt prouder to be a teacher.  I feel privileged to be associated with men and women who are so brave and dedicated to their students well-being.

I cannot imagine the grief, confusion, and distress that is residing amongst families, students, and the community of Newtown.  It's times like these where the only thing we can do is pull together as a nation in prayer for these people and remember that our God is a God of love.  Three things came to mind over the weekend that have brought a sense of comfort to me & maybe will provide you with the same feelings.

First, many years ago I memorized a quote from President Packer in which he said, "Do not suppose that God willfully causes that, which for his own purposes, He permits."  This has always helped me during difficult times when all I want to do is ask, "Why?  Why would God let this happen?"  I don't think there was one person in the country who didn't have that question cross their minds this weekend.  If there is one thing I know about God, it is that He sees beyond what I can.  God doesn't willfully CAUSE horrific things like this to happen.  However, because of the free agency of man, there are certain things, for His own reasons and purposes, that he permits to happen.

This leads into the second thing that came to mind.  In the Book of Mormon, there is a scripture {Nephi 11:16-17} in which Nephi is asked a question; "16: And he said unto me, 'Knowest thou the condescension of God?' 17: And I said unto him: I know that He loveth His children, nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things."  This scripture has always provided me with peace of mind because I truly believe that man was never meant to understand everything about God.  However, if there is one thing that we can of a surety of, it is that God does love His children, deeper than we will ever know.

Thirdly, because of this love He and our Savior have for us, we can know that he "will ease the burdens which are placed upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions." {Mosiah 24:13-14}  I know that God will make himself manifest to the people who have been affected by this horrible tragedy, whether through himself or through the charity and compassion of others.    

I felt grateful to be able to go home on Friday to J.D.  We spent the entire weekend soaking in our time together.  I'm so thankful for him, for my family, for the people in my little world who may as well be family, and for my life.  I know that although this life isn't easy, that we do have a Savior who loves and cares for us & has felt the pain and suffering that so many are experiencing at this time.  If there is one person to lean on and turn to, it is Him.

Again, my heart and deep felt prayers go out to the entire community of Newtown, CT.  I hope they can feel the love and prayers of their fellow Americans.