The Last Supper & My Extraction Story

(The last supper I chose to eat before my diet turned into mush and runny junk? Rice Krispy Treats Cereal. Go big or go home.)

I had my wisdom teeth taken out last Friday. Now, although this story isn't exactly a current event, it is quite pertinent to a situation I am currently dealing with.

I felt like I was pretty prepared. I listened to everyone's stories about their experiences. I researched. AND, I even made sure to watch that mormon kid after his wisdom teeth video the night before. I mean, how could you really prepare any better than that? Let me tell you, nothing could have prepared me for this. Are you ready for this amazing story?

Lex and Mindy drove me to my appointment since I was technically already beginning my drug dosages earlier that morning. I don't know about you...but I sure as heck don't want some crazy drug-filled chick driving down the freeway. So I got to my appointment and they gave me another dose of drugs to start giving me that woozy/happy feeling. All I can really remember before I fell asleep was some bitter tasting water that I wanted to puke up, and the doctor asking me like 3 times..."On a scale of 1-10, how much do you want to go shopping right now?" I kept saying 3...over and over again. Pretty sure I couldn't have even gotten out of the chair if I tried...so we can assume that my answer should have been more like -1.

Towards the very end of my surgery (everything has gone well up to this point, so I'm told) I wake up. It's a very alarming awaking to be exact because I feel myself choking on something. I wake up to the dentist repeating the "s" word (my students refer to the "s" word as shut up...this is not the "s" word I'm currently referring to today:) two times as I grab my throat, and through my drugged out speech, manage to slur out the words, "I feel it right here...." I proceeded to reach down my throat (you don't want to know what came out on my hand) as another doctor came in and asked if he should call 911. My dentist replied with a "YES. I'm not finished, so I'll stitch her up while we're waiting."

Now I don't exactly remember the actual process of getting into the ambulance, but I remember them closing the doors and then passing out again. By the time I got to the hospital (it was a short trip) my only recollection is standing up and down as they took multiple x-rays. Imagine this: Drunk girl (because that's pretty much what I was at that point) clutching onto the bars on the side of the box where they take the pictures with her head hanging and falling asleep during each x-ray. Between each "photo" I would sit down on a cot and feel like I was going to barf up everything in my stomach. I believe they call that nausea. Yep. I had it. With every single x-ray.

After the x-rays, the doctor concluded that I had swallowed a part of the instrument (a circular 5mm object) during the extraction. It had luckily gone down my escophagus and not my trachea and had already made it to my stomach. Keep in mind that at this point, Alexis and Mindy were already gone and my dear friend Jenna was on her way to the dentist office to pick me up. Imagine her surprise when they inform her that she'll be needing to come to the hospital instead. Hahaha... amazing. Her and Trevor showed up only to find me laying on some cot like an idiot (supposedly I chuckled a fat kid laugh when they walked in). The doctors gave me the a-okay and I was free to go. They wheeled me to their car and I slept the whole way home...but not without making sure that blood was oozing through my teeth and down my face. Trevor called me a vampire. How can you blame him? I'm sure I looked AWESOME. Now would probably be a good time to thank the Neff's for not capturing this endearing moment of mine for the general public.

Now here is why this is all pertinent to me NOW. So yesterday during the school day, I could feel my voice dropping like 12 octaves but didn't think much of it. It didn't seem like a big deal considering the fact that I had what seemed like much bigger and bloodier issues going on inside of my mouth. HOWEVER, this morning I woke up with no voice. NO voice. Throughout the day, it got better...but my class still had to be pretty much silent in order to hear anything that was coming out of my mouth. All day I couldn't put my finger on why this could possibly be happening. I've never lost my voice in my entire life and my throat didn't hurt one bit. Then, after discussing with some of my colleagues, I came to the conclusion that it was possible that my vocal cords were scratched either from the instrument or from the doctor at the hospital when he was looking down my throat with another instrument (which luckily didn't happen to slide down with the rest of the awesome metal objects from the day). I called my dentist (who really is fabulous, by the way) and he thinks my diagnosis is probably correct. We chatted and discussed a few more options of what I can do to get this beautiful voice of mine back, and he was quite helpful.

Now here come my shout-outs. My kids were ANGELS today. They didn't laugh. They didn't make fun of me. They were very sweet, in fact. They were silent during math so that they could hear the little squeaking of a lesson that I produced. Every time they'd raise their hand to answer, they would whisper too. Hahah, I tried to remind them that THEY were the ones who could talk normally and that I'd catch up to them soon enough.

Second shout-out and really most important of all: My dentists. Really you guys, they are awesome. I don't want anyone to read this story and think badly of them. They were awesome, came with me to the hospital, took care of all the bills...and let's be honest, it was an instrument malfunction that had nothing to do with their abilities. My wisdom teeth extraction sites look awesome and they did a great job. I LOVE going there, and I'd still recommend it to anyone.

Irony:
My wisdom teeth were actually supposed to be removed three weeks ago. We had to cancel because we were waiting on a new awesome instrument that would make the surgery run smoother come in. It was supposed to be there but had some shipping issues and couldn't make it so we had to reschedule. Guess where this instrument (or at least a part of it) is now residing? Either in my stomach or some pipe. Hahahaha.


BEST. STORY. EVER. (It's killing me to wait to tell my students about this....but I feel a moral obligation to do so since one of my students gets HER wisdom teeth out on Friday. I don't need to be freaking out any 12 year olds!)


(The only captured photo. Thank goodness it was pre-vampire Ashley)