A Response to a response.

I read this blog post this morning {which was written in response to this movie} and after thinking about it and reading through many of the comments {which I suppose in large part, are what I'm responding to}, I have mixed feelings.  First of all, the author brought up some points that I believe are valid.  Saying "no," is okay.  I believe that.  I'm in the public affairs committee and because of this, I am often looking for volunteers to help with various events - i.e. blood drives, service afternoons, etc.  I have learned that there are plenty of people who have no problem with saying, "no" when time or their schedule does not permit.  That's a-okay.  Such is life.  And I strongly believe that the Church is not condemning people because of it either.  I also believe that no one is saying, "You were supposed to go to your daughter's soccer game?  Too bad!  You better figure out a way to make it work so that you can be at the park cleaning up for a service project instead!"  I MEAN.  Come on.  Does anyone seriously believe that?  And if so, maybe there is a problem with the individual.  

While I agree that each individual is important and there is something to be said about learning to love and make time for yourself, I can't help but think of President Spencer W. Kimball's quote, "God does notice us, and he watches over us.  But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs.  Therefore, it is vital that we serve each other in the kingdom."

I watch this video and I don't see a woman tormented by a life of selflessness and heartache.  I watch this woman and see someone who has a crappy day and in the end, realizes there's more to life than we sometimes remember.  Obviously she's a fictional character, but even the author of this post acknowledges she can totally relate, just as I can.  However, I don't feel like every single day of my life is consumed in service that little by little scratches away at my self worth.  Do I have bad days? Sure.  But a few bad days here and there where I feel like I've sacrificed some "me" time certainly don't mean I'm a service martyr, and I most definitely don't believe that's what I'm asked to do/be.

A very important point to this life is to become as much like Christ as we can.  Christ went about doing good to all those around Him.  I am sure He had His fair share of what we'd consider "bad days."  And yes, even Christ had moments where I would venture to say He wanted to feel support and love, just like we yearn for.  Think of when he was suffering in the Garden of Gethsemane and was sorely disappointed in asking for His disciples support, only to find them all asleep.  At that point (which by the way, I think is just about the lowest of lows any human has ever felt) He could've have thrown in the towel and said, "Forget it.  I've served enough and I'm done."  He certainly could've, and even when the weight of the world (literally) was on His shoulders, He begged Heavenly Father to remove that cup from Him.  But instead, He drank that cup because He understood there was a bigger picture.

I suppose my point is, we all have bad days.  This video does not showcase a year of this woman's life sacrificing every moment of every day.  It shows one day.  And it's one that most women can relate to in one way or another.  However, I'm sure, that just like you and me, she has days that just make her smile as she lies down at night.  I'm sure she has those moments, just like you and me, where she looks at her life and thinks, "Man.  I'm lucky."  And, just like you and me, I am certain that she has been the recipient of others lending a hand in times where she has needed it most.  I know that for me, some of my greatest testimony building moments have been when I have been on the receiving end and realized that that person will probably never know how much their small act of service meant to me.  And it helps me to then look outside of myself when help for others is needed.

The entire object of this movie is in the title... "You Never Know."  This movie was not about one woman.  We are somehow missing that in all of our discussion.  It was about an entire spectrum of people - her children, the neighbor, her sister, the family with the newborn - all being touched in one way or another as a result of this woman's best efforts.  

I hardly think that extending a listening ear to a family member, helping her son with a project that he neglected, babysitting a neighbor, or making dinner for a family, constitute the title of "service martyr."  Maybe if this was her all day, every day constant that would be different.  But I venture to think otherwise.  Rather, I think this makes her human.  Giving up things that we want, to help bless the life of someone else.  I'm certainly not perfect at this.  But the idea is simple, "He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it."

I'm not saying we shouldn't take time for ourselves.  We should!  As a young women's leader, one of the main things we stress is individual worth.  Part of discovering that worth is through learning to love and take care of ourself.  God wants us to see our potential.  He wants us to feel good about ourselves. He wants us to be happy.  He also knows that one of the things that will bring us true, lasting happiness is service to others.  He doesn't ask that we be super women.  And He most certainly does not ask us to be "service martyrs."  He asks that we find time to step outside of ourselves and show love to the people around us.  Sure we may feel stretched thin some days more than others.  But this isn't exclusive to women just of Mormon faith & I think it's a little silly to make such an assumption.  This happens to not only women throughout the world, but men as well.  Do I think my own husband, after working a 15-20 hour work day and then coming home to newborn twins, will feel stretched thin?  Of course.  Again, can I reiterate the point for the 10th time that sometimes that just happens in life?  I think it's important to remember however that God doesn't ask us to give every last piece of ourselves until we break.  He understands the importance of "self-care" just as he emphasizes the importance of selflessness.  And again, the point of the video was not even directed AT selflessness.  Instead, the point was simply to remind women in particular, that even when you feel your deeds go unnoticed or are ineffective, they are not.  {**The caption to this movie is: How many things did you get checked off your “to- do” list today? Sometimes, the most important things you do each day were never even on your list. As we help a neighbor or family member, we often overlook the results. You might worry about the things you never get done, but President Gordon B. Hinckley reminds us, “You never know how much good you do.”**}

After reading through all the comments {which were much worse than the post itself}, I felt sad.  Actually, at first, I felt irate.  Then, the more I thought about it, the more I began to feel sad for these bitter women who were writing during what I hope was just a moment of fury.  I thought of the quote that I remember reading my freshman year of college from President Hinckley; "I am asking that we stop seeking out the storms and more fully enjoy the sunlight."  With so many slimy videos and posts out there on the internet, this is the one we decide to tear apart?  Why not embrace this wholesome, and well intentioned video instead?  Why must we search for the negative?  

I have watched this video a few times, and what has resonated with me over and over again is the idea that some days are just hard - the to-do list doesn't get completed, there's no "self-time," and we're thrown curveballs that we weren't planning on - but we shouldn't ever let a hard day go by under the assumption that it's all been a complete waste.  Someone was touched in one way or another.  And what principle is more beautiful than that?