I have issues. For real.

So yesterday I went to the Instacare because I had this ball on the bottom of side of my neck (and some kind of yucky cold). It seriously felt like some kind of blood clot or tumor. Since I've had a tumor before, I kind of freaked out, maybe started crying, finished all my school stuff VERY quickly, and booked it to the Instacare.

It turns out the ball is one of two things:
1. A pocket of all the drainage in my throat
2. A swollen lymph node (I never knew I had those on the bottom of my throat)

Anyway, since my whole entire infection is viral, I can't do much about it other than wait it out (SO annoying). I'm honestly wishing it were strep instead so that they could just give me some meds and be done with it. On top of all of this grossness, I have lost my voice. WHAT?? Aside from the time in January when I swallowed part of the wisdom tooth extraction instrument, I have never lost my voice in my life. I don't know what the deal is this year. The doctor recommended me taking a day off so that my voice could have some recuperation time. In my head I was saying, "Yeah right."

Then, I woke up this morning. I felt like CRAP. Worst of all? After 7 hours of sleeping, my voice was no better. So... I went to school, started the kids on morning work and math, and wrote my sub plans. I have a serious problem with getting subs. I just hate to turn over my kids and my lesson plans to someone else. I know. I'm a PSYCHO. I avoid sick days like nobody's business and I refuse to take a personal day. I'm totally that teacher who says, "Yeah...I'm feeling pretty sick. I'll probably take a sick day tomorrow." or "Yeah, my mom's in town so I'll probably take a personal day so that I can hang out with her." Do I ever actually follow through? Of course not. I've always been that way though. I hated doing group projects when I was in school because I never thought someone else would do the job I wanted. And now...it's transferred over to my career.

Luckily for me, the most incredible sub was available, made it to the school in 30 minutes time, and was awesome. I still had to get some things done and she just took it all over. As I was leaving the school today, all of the kids were outside getting timed for our track meet coming up in a few weeks. They were all out there just stretching out, laughing, and smiling. I seriously wanted to scream, "JUST KIDDING! I'M NOT LEAVING! I DON'T CARE IF I HAVE NO VOICE! I NEED TO BE HERE!" (I know. Psycho.)

I just feel like my time with these kids is getting shorter and shorter and the days are going faster and faster. No one else can teach them how to multiply and divide fractions. No one else can teach my grammar lessons. No one else can take over my guided reading. I just can't hand it over because I am completely and utterly nuts and apparently now have F.O.M.O. (fear of missing out). I even had an amazing sub today...and I'm still crazy.

As I was driving home, all I could think about was how guilty I felt for leaving. It's not like I felt like I was going to fall over and croak. I just have an issue with my vocal chords, that's all. No biggie.

Gah. I hate feeling like I'm not doing what I should be doing. So here I am, grading papers, projects, and writing in journals in an attempt to compensate for my failure to just hang in there today. I just really wish this weird, guilty feeling would go away.